I was waiting for her call.
To me this seemed like the last straw. I knew a week ago- this feeling in my stomach. The licks of fear and anxiety. I knew it all too well.

I really wanted this.

I asked myself, why?
Was it security? Was it self esteem?
I told myself finally that it was good regard.

I really wanted the experience.

I woke up and took it at the usual pace.
I prayed and cried out and sang disconnected a little. I urged my soul into it but it sank with ever nudge, like a punctured air balloon trying to gain altitude.

I asked God to forgive my waver.

I will be strong.

I sent the text and there was no reply.
I called later and the number wasn’t reachable.
It’s alright, I comforted, she must be still away.

Frankie sent me a message.
I saw, Isaiah 42:18-20 . I smiled to myself. He’s sweet to be so encouraging.

The call came in right after. We will be meeting tomorrow.

Isaiah 43:18-20 KJV
Remember ye not the former things, neither consider the things of old.
[19] Behold, I will do a new thing; now it shall spring forth; shall ye not know it? I will even make a way in the wilderness, and rivers in the desert.
[20] The beast of the field shall honour me, the dragons and the owls: because I give waters in the wilderness, and rivers in the desert, to give drink to my people, my chosen.

I read the verses after the call.

My God is good.